Shuffling through the folders that lay in a milk crate under my computer desk, I searched frantically for the folder.  Mom is going to have my tail if I lost that folder! My Mother, JoNell Whitstine  retired from professional tournament fishing at the end of 2006.  This was a very solemn time for me as my sister Carla Whitstine retired as well. A trio down to well, virtually a zero is how I felt. Now, “where is that folder?” (breaking a new fingernail).

Mom had passed on to me, her many years of writing down secret holes and lures for any lake across the country you can imagine. When she placed them in my hands, I felt like someone had just put 11 years of sweat and tears in my hands and also as though I had just been kicked in the gut. She said “Now these will come in handy if you continue to fish, and there are a lot of contacts in there as well. Just tell them you are my youngest daughter and odds are they will help you out.”

 Mom knows me like a book. She knows  that I cling by my teeth to make each event and the word GUIDE to me receives a quick, cannot afford it. So to me those folders were priceless. Okay, there's Neely Henry, Eufaula, Seminole; where is Red River? Whew! There it is at the bottom of the milk crate. As I blew the dust off the folder and opened it, a smile comes across my face as I see all my mothers notes and interesting pictures she drew; probably while talking to someone on the phone, scribbling none the less. It brought a tear to my eye, but I could not let go of the smile.

I see places marked on the map stating, good hole, big fish here, careful when running this area and I also see several names and phone numbers. I decide I need to call some of these contacts to see if I can get some help and advice from a few of the locals and guides. I pick up the phone and the next thing I know I am hanging it up again. What if they forgot who JoNell Whitstine is? Then I will look like a total idiot! So I decided to call mom.

She answers the phone and I say” Hi mom, got a question for you. Do you know such and such?  She said “um… yeah, I think I remember.” At that moment I breathe a sigh of relief.  I didn't call. Odds were they probably didn't remember her either. She said “if they are in the folder Sammie Jo, give them a call.”  I said “well Mom, why don't you call for me?” She laughs and said “I have a better idea, why don't you call?”

 Well, my smile turned more so into a pout. I said “MOM”! She said “this is your ballgame, get in there and play.” “UGH.. ok.. talk to you later mom, thanks.” I got off the phone and stared at those numbers for a few minutes and then closed the dusty folder; not to look at it for a few weeks. During that time mom asked me if I had contacted any of them, I said not yet, though the real answer was No.

 As I start putting everything together and getting my reservations and everything lined up I realize I am running out of time and the reality also kicks in that I will be doing this event alone, without my Mother and my sister. I began to get that  “kicked in the gut” feeling all over again. I opened the folder and stared at those numbers again. I quickly picked up the phone and dialed the first number; closing my eyes as the phone rang in my ear, at the same time thinking please don't be home. I heard a deep voice, ”Hello? Hello?” “Um… Yes Sir...Hi! My mother, JoNell Whitstine, said you are the man I need to talk to about the Red River. He cleared his throat and let out a loud chuckle. “Uh oh....” he said, “JoNell Whitstine, I love that lady. How is JoNell doing?”

 WHEW... I spent the next 30 minutes on the phone with one of the nicest people I have ever met. On to the second and third on the list! Every single one of them remembered my mom and was more than grateful to help me. After I hung up the phone, again I found myself sitting at the computer with a smile. My mother had not only made an impact on me, but I realized she had made that impact on many others. I know why my mom did not make that phone call for me; the same reason she has made me make so many other first steps in my life; to learn to do things on my own, and lose the f ear of failure.

So even though she won't be with me on the water, I can look across at all the boats with their running lights on waiting to take off, searching through the crowd for the comfort of my mother, I will instead be looking inside myself for the strength and guidance she has given me. Thanks Mom!

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